Endings.

I’ve never been very good at endings. The result is a personal history littered with bad break-ups and the unfinished, unprocessed emotional and intellectual debt from past dreams that never quite lived up to the fantasy I envisioned as their ultimate potential – the vision that originally motivated me. It’s amazing the weight of these things, the physical burden of dead weight that has no form – only frequency. In Human Design there is a life force energy connecting the Root to the Sacral that’s about beginnings, middles, and endings. I have that defined in my design and yet I’ve failed to fully realize the last part of the sequence: endings. I think it’s because endings require resolution, and resolution requires reckoning. A reckoning of where things went wrong, and my part in it, and that’s just fucking painful to look at – the immaturity, the rash decision-making, the proving, the pretending. It requires a level of emotional and intellectual honesty about my own limitations and disappointment. Running away from endings is a pattern in my life and I’m in the process of consciously breaking it to heal it. Funny enough, I’m enjoying the process. Because with every item added to the “dissolution” list of a brand I birthed and nurtured and grew over the last 13 years, I feel a cord to the past loosening. The endings I witnessed in childhood were always abrupt and without ceremony. What I’m learning is that there is a delicate beauty to holding space for endings. That when we take the time to properly honor and dignify an ending, it opens the door to a graceful, honorable, and dignified beginning.